You Wanna Know Why I Hate the Lakers?

Hate.
Such a strong word. Such a powerful word. Such an overused word.

"I hate lima beans."

"I hate James Blunt."

"I hate it when my hair flips out on the sides."

People toss the word around everyday, just as common as the sun rises and sinks. You know the saying that it takes more work to love than it does to hate? Well, it takes more effort to discuss the pleasantries of life than it does to rip on the neo-maxie zoomed dweebie who works in Membership Accounting while huddled around the water cooler with your work cronies. I mean seriously, is it cool to rip on everyone and everything because you think it sounds cool to? It's like that scene in Hitch when Albert and Alegra go to the art show and he meets those two poseur friends of hers...negativity personified. Egads! (or Egan!)

The answer is "sometimes." Yes, hate is a household word. Like Bubba Gump Shrimp, or Sham-WOW. It rolls off the tongue without hesitation. Yours truly has fallen victim to the hate bug from time to time. One of those times was last night.

I attended a viewing of Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals (WCF) between the Denver Nuggets and the LA Lakers last night at my friend James' place. A small congregation of 30-somethings with an interest in seeing a decent game take place. What I saw...was a flashback!

[enter wacky arm motions, ala Wayne's World]

The year was 2000. The date was Sunday, June 4. The place was my friend Garon's living room. The situation was Game 7 of the WCF between the Lakers and our hometown Portland Trailblazers. The outcome was a fourth quarter, double-digit collapse by the Blazers, resulting in a series ender and eventual championship for the Lakers that year, the first of three straight for both Shaq and Kobe.

I thought I had a good handle on my hate thresholds prior to that day, but I was wrong. We we're all wrong. I had found a new reason to hate...a new vitriol so pure that nobody could ever claim it as their own. Nope. No way on God's green earth that you could ever exorcise me of the ill-will I wanted to inflict upon every player on that team (even A.C. Green!). Kobe and Shaq stole something from me that day. I was robbed.

Then came 2003. Kobe Bryant's sexual assault of a spa employee in Colorado hit the headlines. I hated this guy even more. Where does he get off thinking that the world revolves around him? There is a special place in my heart for people like that. Wait, no, there is a special place in my toilet for people like that! What a dirtbag! Yes the charges of rape were dropped, but I have my suspicions, plus the guy is still an adulterer. Shame on him. How dare he! It was all fuel for my hate fire.

So you can understand my feelings last night when Kobe scored the last four points for his team in a narrow two point victory over a very resilient Nuggets squad. I really hate this guy. I really hate the purple and yellow and I really hate that this douche bag gets to win championships. Hate, hate, hate, hate! I know that there are at least three more games to play, but if they end the way this one did, I'm going to have find an outlet for my frustration.

Maybe I'll write a song about my distaste for the Lakers? Maybe I'll quit my job as a seller of trade show exhibits and accessories and travel the world telling people how much I hate pompous Kobe and the Lakers.

Or maybe I just write about it, go have a beer and put on some James Blunt records!

A Weekend of Decadence.

It's Monday morning. I'm still not right. My head is feeling like the brunt of a prize fight.

There are many rarities in life. One of them is having perfect sunny weather at the Oregon Coast. Another is getting to hang with a crowd of folks that are so cool, you don't want to throttle anybody by the end of the weekend. You don't want to retreat to another part of the house to avoid Mr or Mrs Annoying. Nope. Not this weekend my peeps!

Our good friends, Jodi and Dennis, invited us to celebrate their 15 year anniversary with them at a house on the coast that they rented. This house on the coast. What views! What food! What happened to my firm stance on the non-consumption of red meat and swine?

For those who don't know much about the Oregon Coast, it can be a real fickle, stubborn bitch. That's right, I said it! Having the planets align to get weather that doesn't resemble the likes of that that really bad fishing movie with Clooney and Markey Mark in it is next to impossible. So how did we luck out? I'll tell you why: we brought the positivity with us.

I believe in higher powers. Karma. Kismet. Whatever you want to call it. I know that we were blessed this last weekend. Wifey and I got to meet some really cool people and spend a relaxing weekend with no worries. No worrying about how many leads you have to follow up on....no worries about how many trade show booths one could be selling. The only thing we had to worry about was the inevitable blowing of the keg!

I am grateful to have spent a weekend making memories. Regardless of the speeding ticket i got on the way there, it was still worth it!

Now do I call my insurance guy and report it or not?

Timeshare Fraud

I own a timeshare. Correction: Wifey and I own a timeshare. Bought it on our 1 year anniversary in Maui. We went into Boss Frog's in Kahana just to rent some snorkel gear and the guy at the register roped us into attending the "1-2 hr presentation." Gave us free snorkel gear + $100 cash! How could we say no? Okay, we'll go, listen, then split, right?

Wrong!

We bought into the Tahiti Village Resort (above, right) in sunny Las Vegas! It actually is a decent place. We took the boys there last year on a family vacation. However, who wants to go to Vegas once a year? Sure you can trade your week and go someplace else, but it costs more. Plus, three days in Vegas is enough for me, let alone a full week! Can't we just sell this thing already?

You wouldn't believe how many phone calls I get asking me to sell our timeshare. It's ridiculous! I believe it all started when I actually put it up for sale on one of these Web sites you see advertised on TV (first red flag).
Little did I know, there are companies out there that surf the timeshare sales Web sites and contact the sellers and offer to put your property in front of "prospective buyers" instead of just some Web site that nobody's going to see. Of course, their fee is about double what you just paid to Company A. This non-refundable "marketing fee" is bogus and a scam!

Sad to say, I think I got taken. The jury is still out on that though. If they don't bring me an acceptable offer in 180 days, I get a full refund. Let's just hope the company still exists in 180 days!

In these times, owning a timeshare is like owning a Hummer when gas is $4.50/gallon. It is a luxury and a draining one at that. With the maintenance fees alone, I could take the wife to the coast for the weekend and stay in a really nice room at the Inn at Spanish Head or someplace comparable. So why do I still own this thing you ask? Why haven't I sold it? I'll tell you why: nobody's buying!

So I just continue to make my payments and hope that the economy shores up and I can get rid of this thing before it eats me alive. It's in Las Vegas, so it shouldn't be that hard to unload you'd think. In the meantime, until I sell a few trade show exhibits, like some larger 20' hybrid displays, I'm pretty much praying that this thing doesn't kill me.

If only we would have went to Lahaina to rent snorkel gear...
I could be telling you stories about the fish we saw, not the sharks!

Wishing I was a Paid Comedian!

Mitch Hedberg says, "every picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger!" Talk about a genius dying too soon.

However, it was the way that Mitch delivered his quote that really hit the nail on the head. The guy got paid to tell facts and make them sound like they were jokes.

Was it his delivery? Was it his material? I don't know, but the man was and is incessantly funny. Flavorful and full of vigor. Pithy, terse and succinct. Very rarely do they come around like this guy.

We all have dreams at some point in our lives. Some wet with passion, others dry with death. But like Mitch Hedberg said, we're not getting any younger with each picture we collect. That's why I'd love to be a comedian. Yeah I know...everyone thinks they have the skills to do what the next guy can. It's called competition. If we didn't have competition, well, then I guess we'd all be like the guys in the Joe Walsh song, Ordinary Average Guys.

Mitch was a pro. Although I'd love to make people laugh, it would be a tough road.

I'll continue to make myself laugh I guess, and keep up work on the trade show displays Web site. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

American Displays Co. is Born - Exhibitor News Network (ENN)

My humble little Web site that sells trade show booths has received it's first write-up.

You can read it here.

I guess all that money I spent on getting an English degree sure is paying off! HA HA!!

Cinco De Mayonnaise

Why does the American public think that the 5th of May is actually an American holiday? Because we just want another excuse to party, that's why. Do Mexicans celebrate "Quatro de Julio" in their country, complete with hamburger and hot dog kits from their local Superama? Perhaps they gorge themselves on Budweiser and ribs and blow their index fingers off with firecrackers?
Highly doubtful. (I've personally handled Mexican "dynamite" and let me tell you, it's weak!)

So why the big urge to go out and celebrate something that has little bearing on our country? I don't know, but I did tip my sombrero to my neighbors to the south by cooking up a meal that resembled some of Oaxaca's Finest: Turkey tacos, refried black beans, mexican rice, and the "piece de resistance," fried ice cream. No, I didn't make my own fried ice cream...it actually is a flavor that I found at the store. It amazingly tastes just like the real McCoy, or should I say, the real Martinez!

If that wasn't enough, I traded in my late night work of updating the conference displays on my site to watch one of the funniest movies ever made, The Three Amigos. Combine the food and the movie with a couple glasses of cheap boxed wine and you got yourself a Cinco de Mayo that even Ned Nederlander himself would be proud of. It's just too bad that we only have the movie on VHS...oh the headache! How did we ever survive back in the 80's with that wretched machine being our only source of rented entertainment?

Tracking!!! Tracking!!!!

Of course, with a movie that old, I've got it memorized. No kidding. I could probably go through it and quote every line. But that gets boring after a while, a futile exercise that makes you realize that you're probably never going to get that 2 hrs of your life back (or 90 minutes, as they made 'em back in the old days).
So was it a waste? Seeing Ned, Lucky and Dusty play the fools, only to end up being rewarded by justice in the end? Far from it.
For me, the supporting cast makes the movie one of the best Lorne Michaels films ever: Jefe, El Guapo, The German, The Bartender. They all play integral parts that keep the story ticking...like a "stopvotch." Besides, I'm convinced that the word "plethora" was brought into everyone's vocabulary and made popular in the American lexicon by that pinata conversation between Jefe and El Guapo.

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.

Maybe that's what we have to be thankful about on the 5th of May....

....Now if I could only get that damn singing bush out of my head!

Jackie and the Gang

Man, I'm draggin' today. A sure fire sign that you are getting older is when you can't rebound from sleep deprivation like when you were younger. Why am I draggin' today, you might ask?

Last night was spent in the company of some very talented musicians: Jackie Greene and the boys. When I say "boys," I do so with an endearing tone. They are all my "boys." Nate, Jeremy, Uncle Bruce...you know, the boys! I love it when they come to town and I love to hang out and talk and laugh with them. Just good people all around with fantastic senses of humor and big hearts.

They played the Aladdin (again) and sounded good. Not great, but good. This was the second show back from a short hiatus, so the chops were a bit rusty. I even told Nate that. He agreed with me. That's how good of a relationship I have with him...I can be completely honest and it won't hurt his feelings. I'd rather have someone be honest with me than lie to try and make me feel good. That would be doing me a disservice. Anyhow, I digress.

I spent the first couple hours (and the opening act, Truth & Salvage Co.) upstairs, backstage, whatever you want to call it, hanging out with my friends, drinking their beer and laughing at YouTube clips of Scott West's video for Standing on the Moon. We laughed our asses off! These guys know him and some of the musicians that play with him. Just pure folly. Evan, their tour manager dude even got into the act.

Speaking of laughing our asses off, Nate told me the real reason behind our friend Hans canceling his show in Eugene a couple months back. It was a great story but too long to write out, but it is totally Hans. Long story short: he was hungover from drinking himself into a stupor the night before in Chico. If you know Hans, this story won't surprise you. Not that he's a drunk, but just because it reeks of, well, Hans.

Bruce showed me pictures of his boy. The kid's getting bigger every time I see him. He's a proud papa. Jeremy and I discussed the detriment of shirts with sleeves that don't roll up properly. I told him that next time he's in Vegas he needs to stop by that western shirt shop. He knows about it. I told him either do that or have someone custom design them for him...ones that don't have 5 sleeve buttons! You can't roll those up, man!

I questioned Jackie's consumption of a banana, right before going on stage, not to mention the large pizza pie he had sitting on his lap while sitting outside when I first got there. I said, "doesn't that mess with your singing?" He says that he can eat whatever he wants because he "doesn't really sing...he growls." Nate and I discussed the finer sides of Apple vs PC. That discussion continued after the show too. I told him about my trade show display Web site and the pitfalls I was running into working on the GoDaddy platform. He gave me some good advice. He's a total techhead! This time though I could actually talk shop and have an indepth conversation about stuff. We also talked about his girlfriend. They are still together and will eventually get married he says. They just aren't really "ceremonial people" according to him. I'm glad that he's found someone that makes him happy. We all deserve one of those....well some of us don't, but I won't say who! HA HA!

They had to split and head to Eugene, so we didn't get to hang out all night like in the past. It was a night among rockstars that are the complete dichotomy of that stereotype. I guess I should do some sort of work today. I've got to add the prices to those custom modular exhibits on the site before someone stumbles across them and thinks that they are free!

Oh yeah, one more thing...while standing by the side of the stage watching the show, I feel an arm around me and I turn and it's Randy Patten! We chatted a little. I gave him my card to contact me. I forgot he was a Jackie fan. What a treat seeing him there! Hopefully we can touch base and he can give me some design advice for the site.

Speaking of which.....back to work. Can't wait to hit the airport tonight to pick up wifey.